so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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