Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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