His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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