How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
