I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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