I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
