Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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