don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
