I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
