In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
