now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize