She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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