Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
