Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
