That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
