Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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