the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Randomize
