I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
