Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
