So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
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