anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
