Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
