Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
