what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
