the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
this just has baby written all over it
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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