dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Operation Purity has been aborted
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Randomize
