I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
