maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
