He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
