remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
