I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
