AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
