sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Randomize
