We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
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