I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
We had sex on a dog bed..
Please don't give away my fajitas
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
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