first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
