at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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