So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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