I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
