also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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