Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
