Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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