I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
