Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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