did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
