A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
