I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
