so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize