Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
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