I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
