im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Randomize
