Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
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