i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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