WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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