Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
