Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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