Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
