You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
