DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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