tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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