i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
