The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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