Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I will be naked everywhere
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
