she looked like the before picture.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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