3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
