Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
