just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize