You smell like a Billy Joel song
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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