I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
