Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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