he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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