Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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