We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize